November tested me in ways I wasn’t prepared for. When I say it was rough, I mean rough. My emotions were all over the place, my mental health was in the dumps, and I felt like I was walking through a storm without an umbrella.
Looking back, I know there were several factors at play. First, the withdrawal from my daily vices—alcohol, vaping, and weed—hit me hard. These habits had been my crutch for so long, and suddenly they were gone. Add to that the influx of hormones that come with pregnancy, and it’s no wonder I felt like I was drowning in anger and depression.
What saved me was knowing that I wasn’t navigating blindly. I understood why I was feeling the way I did. I knew my body was adjusting, my hormones were wreaking havoc, and my emotions were reacting to all of it. While this awareness didn’t make the road any easier, it at least gave me a sense of direction. I wasn’t lost—I was just on a very bumpy path.
One area that really took a hit during this time was my marriage. My husband bore the brunt of my mood swings, and I’m not going to sugarcoat it—he got a ton of attitude from me. What made it harder was the fact that he doesn’t believe in my diagnosis of bipolar disorder. It’s funny in a way, because his mom has the same diagnosis, and his younger brother completely supports her being on medication. But my husband? He doesn’t see it as real or necessary. It’s frustrating, to say the least, especially when I’m living it every day.
But here’s the thing: I’m committed to this marriage. As much as my husband gets on my nerves, I love him deeply, and I’m in it for the long haul. I’m hopeful that, with time, he’ll come to understand my perspective and my experiences. Until then, I’m focusing on communicating better and managing my emotions in healthier ways. It’s not perfect, but it’s progress.
November also reminded me of the importance of having a support system outside of my marriage. My friends, Cookye and Mimi, have been my rocks. Our group chat is a safe space where we can vent, laugh, and support each other. Having that outlet made a world of difference when everything else felt overwhelming.
If there’s one takeaway from this tough month, it’s that self-awareness is a powerful tool. Knowing the why behind your feelings doesn’t erase the pain, but it gives you a roadmap to navigate through it. And sometimes, that’s enough to keep going.
For anyone else struggling through a rough patch, remember this: storms don’t last forever. They’re messy, chaotic, and exhausting, but they’re also temporary. Lean on the people who support you, give yourself grace, and take things one day at a time. You’ll get through it, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.