Living with bipolar disorder comes with its own set of challenges. But being married to someone who doesn’t believe in the diagnosis? That’s a whole different kind of test. My husband, Tony, doesn’t think bipolar disorder is real. It’s a frustrating reality, especially because he grew up with a mother who shares my diagnosis. His younger brother sees the value in her being on medication and acknowledges how it helps her. But Tony? He’s convinced it’s all unnecessary, which makes navigating our life together complicated, to say the least.
Here’s the kicker: I know Tony loves me. His skepticism isn’t born from malice—it’s rooted in how he views the world. He was raised by a bipolar mother, and I think part of him built a narrative to cope with what he saw growing up. Maybe denying the reality of her diagnosis helped him make sense of their family dynamic. Now, as an adult, that perspective extends to me.
At first, I let it get under my skin. How could the person who’s supposed to be my partner not believe my lived experience? How could he dismiss the highs and lows, the struggles I face, and the strategies I’ve learned to manage them? It felt isolating. But then I realized something: his disbelief doesn’t invalidate my reality. My experience is still my truth, and I’ve stopped waiting for him to validate it.
That doesn’t mean I’ve given up on helping him understand. Over time, I’ve found ways to bring him into my world without demanding that he change his mind overnight. I’ve shared articles, opened up about how certain days feel for me, and explained the science behind the diagnosis. Sometimes, it feels like progress. Other times, it feels like we’re at square one. And that’s okay. I’ve learned to accept that understanding takes time—sometimes, it might even take years.
What keeps me committed is the fact that Tony is an amazing husband in so many other ways. He may not fully grasp my diagnosis, but he loves me fiercely. He’s patient when I’m having a rough day, even if he doesn’t fully understand why. He’s supportive in ways that matter, and for that, I’m grateful.
For anyone else in a similar situation, here’s what I’ve learned:
- Don’t tie your worth to their belief. Your experience is valid, whether or not someone else understands it.
- Communicate without forcing agreement. Share your feelings and experiences, but don’t expect instant validation.
- Focus on the positives. If your partner shows love and support in other ways, acknowledge and appreciate that.
- Give it time. Understanding often comes in small steps, not giant leaps.
Loving someone who doesn’t fully understand you can be hard, but it’s also an opportunity to grow together. As much as Tony gets on my nerves sometimes (and believe me, he does), I wouldn’t trade him for anything. Our journey isn’t perfect, but it’s ours. And I’m committed to making it work, one step at a time.